Today is a better day. Things are not actually better, but I am more committed to being better. Options and alternatives are occurring to me that did not exist before, or I had forgotten about. I considered deleting some of the content from this blog, if not the whole thing. Yet on consideration, mouse hovering over the delete button, I realized that it is important to not forget. It is important that you have the chance to know some of these things. I long for a world of openness, acceptance, and hope that better reflects the possibility of a better world for all that I see all around me despite all that I see which seeks to combat that beautiful thing I strive for.

Not very eloquent. Not edited. But that is why I started this blog in the first place. A dump for my thoughts and experiences. Good and bad. Things that friends and people who would like to know me better should in all fairness know.

Not there yet, but I have hope again.

I look for reasons to smile. I try to "cowboy up" and just do what needs done. My apathy has taken over the depression for the most part and sadness is a vague sensation on the edge of consciousness. To everybody else the apathy probably looks like "being better" but it's not. Just a less emotional feeling of futility. But today the sadness wants to be dominant.